Indolence by Ally Vance

Author:Ally Vance [Vance, Ally]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-04-14T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER EIGHT

Sister Faith

I’m not entirely sure what happened today, but I sense that a sort of shift occurred between us. Emily may have caught a glimmer of the uncertainty in me, but when she tried to kiss me, it reinforced the walls I’ve built to guard myself against sin. I must not sully myself with lusts of the body, nor must I allow myself to be led into temptation by the devil and the laziest nun in the convent.

I’m conflicted about keeping this between myself and Emily. In doing so, I’ve potentially betrayed the trust Mother Superior has bestowed upon me. Yet, I feel Emily deserves no further punishment than the one she has already received, and she’d be given no mercy from Mother Superior. I toss and turn in bed, unable to settle my mind.

After hours of restlessness, I rise, pull on my habit in the dark, and leave our room, being careful not to disturb my roommate. I head down to the chapel, using the faint light to guide me. I run my hands along the inner walls of the convent, feeling the smooth, but uneven surface of the cold stones beneath my fingers. I will spend the rest of the night in contemplation if I have to, just to gain some clarity.

Walking into the chapel, I’m surprised to see that it isn’t empty like I’d expected, given the late hour. Thankfully, my steps are light and quiet, and I haven’t disturbed the nun who is deep in prayer. I wait quietly for her to finish, and catch one of the words from her invocation…‘patience’.

When she has completed her devotions, she rises to her feet and jumps a little when she sees me standing in the doorway. In the faint light from the flickering votives, I see her face, and recognize her as Sister Suri. She doesn’t speak to me, remaining totally silent as she walks past me and out of the chapel, reminding me vividly of the heavy silence that surrounds our Sister Purity.

Once I’m alone, I make my way down the line of pews to the front row. I bow my head and kneel, closing my eyes as I pray for guidance from the Lord. Hours pass, the sky is still dark but beginning to lighten, the candles have burned low, and my knees are cold and aching by the time my prayers are complete. I feel calmer, more grounded, but no more certain about my path than I was when I walked through the chapel doors, several hours ago.

Rising on unsteady legs, I slowly turn and make my way back through the stark silence and darkness of the convent toward my room. I reflect on the trials I have faced, and the ones yet to come and hope in my heart that I can be strong enough to overcome them.

When I get back to my room, I hesitate outside with my hand on the doorknob. Emily is probably asleep, but the memory of what I

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